When you plan for something as life-altering as a proposal and you keep it a secret from the most important person in the world to you, of course it would be difficult right? I was lucky enough to have April's sister Kristine and a couple of select friends to talk about it with. It was particularly hilarious whenever April would tease me about the prospect of marriage. I think my typical response was either to blow it off or say something like, "it'll happen. Maybe next year... Or in 2016, or 2017, or 2018..." I was trying to be as ambiguous as possible, but it was really difficult to not tell her how I really felt. That I was planning to do this so soon and she would be (hopefully) completely surprised by it. There was even one moment where I got an offer for a 15-month 0% introductory APR credit card with regards to which April stated (jokingly), "You should buy my ring with that card." Little did she know I had already opened a similar credit card with that same offer and already paid for the ring with it! One can't help but smile at moments like that, and I'm glad she was drunk when she said it because I probably had a smirk on my face wider than the Grinch's when he successfully stole Christmas. She probably doesn't even remember it now, but my heart was beating really fast when that happened.
I think there's a cycle of thoughts and feelings one goes through when they're keeping an engagement plan a secret.
1) I can totally keep this a secret
2) Am I making the right decision? By blowing her off every time she mentions it, am I giving her the wrong impression (like Chandler did to Monica right when Richard showed up on Friends)?
3) I SHOULD JUST DO IT NOW!
4) Just xx many days left!
5) This is so hard!
I probably went through this at least 10 times in the last couple of months. And now that I actually have the ring, it's more like 3-5 over and over again everyday. I'm actually hiding the ring in the backpack that I'm taking to Iceland. I've been researching ways to safely travel with it, and there are two schools of thought:
1) Try really hard to hide it within socks, shoes and scarves.
2) Pack it normally, in your personal item.
1 is the more risky option as it seems suspicious. Why would you go through all the trouble to hide something when going through security? I think I am going to go with 2 and put a post-it on the box just in case security does do a random check on me. At the very least the guard/TSA person would pick up the box see the note "Please do NOT draw attention to this! Engagement ring inside!" or something like that. If they have any heart, they would do as the note says and just put it back. I will ultimately update this when I decide what I do and I will share my experience.
Honestly, I think April and I have gone about this proposal process in a good way. I never wanted this proposal to feel like it was coming out of left field. I think the first thoughts/conversations regarding marriage started about a year ago (2+ years into our relationship). I had the benefit of being April's friend for 5 years before we got together. I honestly think that had a huge impact on making my decision to ask her to marry me now.
I think there's a cycle of thoughts and feelings one goes through when they're keeping an engagement plan a secret.
1) I can totally keep this a secret
2) Am I making the right decision? By blowing her off every time she mentions it, am I giving her the wrong impression (like Chandler did to Monica right when Richard showed up on Friends)?
3) I SHOULD JUST DO IT NOW!
4) Just xx many days left!
5) This is so hard!
I probably went through this at least 10 times in the last couple of months. And now that I actually have the ring, it's more like 3-5 over and over again everyday. I'm actually hiding the ring in the backpack that I'm taking to Iceland. I've been researching ways to safely travel with it, and there are two schools of thought:
1) Try really hard to hide it within socks, shoes and scarves.
2) Pack it normally, in your personal item.
1 is the more risky option as it seems suspicious. Why would you go through all the trouble to hide something when going through security? I think I am going to go with 2 and put a post-it on the box just in case security does do a random check on me. At the very least the guard/TSA person would pick up the box see the note "Please do NOT draw attention to this! Engagement ring inside!" or something like that. If they have any heart, they would do as the note says and just put it back. I will ultimately update this when I decide what I do and I will share my experience.
Honestly, I think April and I have gone about this proposal process in a good way. I never wanted this proposal to feel like it was coming out of left field. I think the first thoughts/conversations regarding marriage started about a year ago (2+ years into our relationship). I had the benefit of being April's friend for 5 years before we got together. I honestly think that had a huge impact on making my decision to ask her to marry me now.
I just feel really comfortable around her. And I feel like at this point, the next step in our relationship is marriage. I think the most common question I get at this point is, "How do you know she's the one?" My response is always something like this:
"You never know if the person you're with is 'the one.' In fact, I don't really believe in the concept of 'the one' anymore. I've learned that a healthy relationship is not just loving a person, but giving up yourself and committing to them. So marriage is a way of solidifying that commitment. You're saying that you're willing to bet your life for this person. This person is worth everything to you. It doesn't mean you were meant to be with them, like it's destiny. You chose the person, and you chose to marry them. And I think that in and of itself is beautiful. April and I are a good team, we hardly ever argue, we're very open with each other, she makes me laugh, she's driven and motivated to do well at her job and at life, and she's included me in her future plans. To me, it just makes sense. I would be crazy to not ask her to marry me."
"You never know if the person you're with is 'the one.' In fact, I don't really believe in the concept of 'the one' anymore. I've learned that a healthy relationship is not just loving a person, but giving up yourself and committing to them. So marriage is a way of solidifying that commitment. You're saying that you're willing to bet your life for this person. This person is worth everything to you. It doesn't mean you were meant to be with them, like it's destiny. You chose the person, and you chose to marry them. And I think that in and of itself is beautiful. April and I are a good team, we hardly ever argue, we're very open with each other, she makes me laugh, she's driven and motivated to do well at her job and at life, and she's included me in her future plans. To me, it just makes sense. I would be crazy to not ask her to marry me."
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| Glacier hike yeah! |
All photos were taken by Mark Andrew Gonzales. Follow his photography at
markandrewg.com
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