The Proposal (E6)

Everything was in place. We arrived in Iceland Saturday morning, got the rental car, and met up with the 5th person in our party. From there, the adventure commenced.

Plan A was to do it under the northern lights. After doing some research, we discovered that the usual time frame for viewing the aurora is between November and March. April (the month) was on the back end of that so I wasn't super confident that we'd be able to stick with the original plan (more on that later).

Plan B was to do it at an epic location: a waterfall, an ice cave, a glacier, etc. When we arrived at our first sightseeing spot, April uttered these words: "This is epic!" We were at Gulfoss Waterfall in the Golden Circle. I was very tempted to drop down and propose right then and there, 4-5 hours after arriving in Iceland. This temptation was heightened when Andrew offered to take our picture in a "couple-y" fashion.

Gulfoss Waterfall

April later told me that in this moment she thought to herself, "This would be a nice place for a proposal..." But due to my Chandler-esque tactics, she knew that that wouldn't happen because she thought that marriage wasn't even on my radar! Edward talked me out of doing it at this location, saying that I should just wait. We had 7 whole days to see if the northern lights could happen after all.

To check on our chances, we stumbled across this website: http://www.northernlightsiceland.com/northern-lights-forecast/

The website says that you need a combination of dark clear skies, particles of solar wind, and good luck. Using satellites, particle fluxes headed for Earth from the Sun can be monitored and can predict when aurora are more likely to appear 2-3 days before they arrive. This forecast is expressed on the quasi-logarithmic Kp-index which is a numerical scale from 0 to 9. About 90% of the time, it is 0-4 and only reaches 7-9 1% of the time. The map shows cloud cover in 3 tiers, lower clouds, middle clouds, and high clouds. White represents clear skies and Dark green represents complete cloud cover. The website claims that even a forecast of 2 can be beautiful while 3 can be dazzling. So we were hoping that we could be at the right place at the right time with a 2-3 forecast.

Day 3 of our trip provided such an opportunity. The forecast said that there would only very little low cloud cover where we were at the time (Western fjords), and it was a 2. Based on a suggestion given to us by the information desk in our little town, we made our way up a mountain around 11:30 pm. The skies were relatively clear but minutes after we arrived, snow flurries began hitting us from up the mountain. We decided to try and wait it out in a nearby tunnel, and Andrew took these beauties in the meantime.

The snow was relentless and we eventually gave up our hopes that night. The proposal had to wait.

At this point, I was banking on seeing the northern lights 3 days later in a southern city called Vik. The cloud cover looked minimal and the forecasts called for a 3. All the other nights on our trip looked like they would be extremely cloud-covered.

On the day that originally forecast a 3 with little cloud clover, I checked the website again. To my surprise, the forecast was changed to a 5 and our area showed no cloud cover at all! Are you kidding me?! a 5?! Remember that anything greater than a 4 only ever popped up about 10% of the time. This was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Despite visiting a few more epic locations that day (as shown below), I held out for that night.

Svartifoss Waterfall at Skaftafell 

Skaftafellsjökull (Skaftafell Glacier)

We arrived back at our Airbnb right before nightfall. I checked the forecast one more time. It was still at 5, and the skies looked clear between midnight and 3 am. The stage was set. On our way back to Vik (a little town in South Iceland), we scouted some locations just outside of the town where it would be darker. As we made our way there, the sun was setting (keep in mind that the sun sets between 10 and 11 pm during this time in Iceland). And faded shades of green started to appear in the sky. My heart was racing and so was Edward. He was driving the car and we were all eager to get to our destination and finally see the phenomenon.

When we arrived at our little lookout spot, an RV was already there and the couple that owned it was already set-up with a tripod and camera. We got out of the car and looked up. Shades of green, purple, and white flowed in the sky.

The sun was still setting, yet we could already see that this was going to be beautiful. Once it got completely dark, we started taking group pictures.

After one of these group pictures, the plan was set into action. Edward started filming with my camera, Kevin held up a flashlight, and Andrew took pictures while I started singing "The Way You Look Tonight." Halfway into the first verse, I changed the lyrics:

April, will you be my love

Here forever more

Will you be my one and only

Will you please marry me.

As I sang those last words, I dropped down to one knee. April started crying and silently nodded. I cheered in joy.

Dancing and Singing

Getting down on one knee

Taking the ring out (it's hard with snow gloves!) 

Opening the box 

Placing the ring on April's finger 

Yeah!

After the proposal, April was surprised to hear that I had been planning this for 6 months, that I'd told all the most important people in her life, and that I had been pulling a half-Chandler all this time (not full Chandler because I DID at least give a timeline for when I wanted to get married. Chandler just said he didn't believe in marriage at all). I explained most if not all the secrets I could while Andrew took a couple more shots.

The next day, we found out from one of the locals that Vik is one of the most unlikely places to see the northern lights because it's usually covered in clouds. Well this particular night, it happened to be the only part of Iceland that WASN'T covered in clouds. It almost seemed like fate that a 5 forecast with no cloud cover would happen in one of the most unlikely places.

Mission Accomplished

All photos were taken by Mark Andrew Gonzales. Follow his photography at

markandrewg.com

The Ring (E3)

Things you need before you ask a girl to marry you:

1) Her mutual feelings for you
2) Engagement ring
3) A plan

1) and 3) just take time and effort. But 2) requires a little somethin' more: $$$

How was I going to buy an engagement ring when I was still just an intern? I suppose this want/need to purchase a nice ring actually turned into my motivation to do really well at my job. It really went hand-in-hand with all my other financial goals I eventually started creating: retirement, down payment for a house, emergency funds, wedding, etc.

And it really felt like fate when my boss gave me a contract one month into what was supposed to be a 6-month internship. One month after that I was full-time with benefits. It really all started looking really good except that I really didn't have the money I wanted to spend. And I definitely did NOT want to take out a loan.

The answer to all my issues? A 15-month 0% APR Credit Card. Essentially, it was a 15-month 0% interest loan. And this is something I would definitely recommend to anyone else out there planning to make a big purchase (and if you do not have a lot of credit cards). So, based on this 15-month time period and from some conversations with Kristine, I created a budget and a description of what I wanted for this ring. I knew the band had to be rose gold (April had disclosed to me a few times that rose gold was her favorite material), the design needed to be relatively simple overall (Kristine helped me realize this), and despite her reservations I wanted a noticeable diamond. I had read a few posts about people thinking about getting a diamond engagement ring. The #1 thing I took away from those posts was that this is the only time in my life I'll ever get the chance to get something like this for April. A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to feel awesome and make her feel even more awesome at the same time. Why would I pass up this opportunity? I started dreaming of what her face would look like when she finally saw it. It makes me anxious just typing about it (and it's about 2 weeks before I ask her as I write this).

The next step was to find a ring shop. I knew April liked supporting local businesses (an interest I shared), so I definitely wanted to avoid the "big-name" jewelers. So I did some research and came across a local Oakland jeweler with great reviews. The reviews mentioned that the shop owner was very informative, friendly, and seemed genuinely interested in what you had to say. They also mentioned that they made custom rings.

When I first stepped into J Sahadi Jewelers, I was definitely intimidated by the sheer amount of diamonds that surrounded me. Looking at the price tags definitely did not help, but speaking with Jennifer (the shop owner) definitely made me feel a lot better. I brought up my budget and what I wanted out of the ring, She brought out a few rings that she thought I might be interested in and to my surprise, she was spot on. I chose a band and she mentioned that they would have to custom make it because the manufacturer doesn't make it in rose gold. This was perfect for me because I wanted something no one else had. After discussing how much just the band would cost, her eyes lit up because she realized she had the perfect diamond for me. She brought out this pair of diamonds that she said used to be in a pair of vintage earrings. She said she had just gotten them in the weeks prior to our first meeting and wondered what she was going to do with them. To me, it felt like fate. I said "sure, why not?!" She gave me the bigger of the pair at a really good price, and she did NOT charge me for tax (which is a huge discount if you think about how much engagement rings can cost). She told me that a mold would be created first and that they would have me come in to see it before they used it to create the band and set the diamond in place.

In the end, the entire process took about 4-6 weeks - From me coming into the store having that first conversation, coming back to see the mold and give my approval, and picking it up just 2 weeks before our trip to Iceland. It was a great experience and I would definitely recommend J Sahadi Jewelers to anyone out there trying to support local businesses.

All photos were taken by Mark Andrew Gonzales. Follow his photography at

markandrewg.com

The Plan (E4)

The "perfect" engagement plan is something I think almost every person envisions when they propose/get proposed to. It's something I actually used to think about when I was in high school and college. You see, I was a hopeless romantic and loved to do things for my GFs that were outrageous and cheesy. So my ideas for proposal plans ranged from doves coming out of trumpets, roses falling from the sky, music playing from bushes and glaciers, randomly breaking into song, the whole shebang.

But now that we have social media constantly showing us even crazier and well thought out proposals, I started feeling... inadequate.

The game has changed and there's no one way to propose to your significant other. I've come to realize over the last few months that the "perfect proposal" really comes down to that special someone you are with. As long as you make the experience unique to your relationship, then it'll be awesome.

So my plan was to do it in Iceland. Simple right? Maybe too simple even. I got a couple of my friends to come along and film/take pictures of the event (including a professional photographer so that was cool), I had the ring, and I knew that I wanted to do it at an "epic location" like on a glacier, or in a cave, or after a long hike next to a crazy waterfall (Actually, my plan A was to do that it whenever the northern lights happened... But since this event is a luck-driven kind of thing, I definitely needed a plan B).

The reason I wanted to do it in Iceland was because I felt like traveling and exploring new places was the epitome of our relationship. April was the person to convince me that it was okay to venture outside the U.S. We lived together in Japan without knowing any Japanese going into it, we've traveled all over Asia together, and we have many more plans to come. All of my international experience has been done together with April. And to me that was really special.

And in the days leading up to the Iceland trip, I realized another idea that would make it even more special. April loves reading, writing, blogging, and reading other blogs. So I figured why not write about my whole experience keeping this a secret from her for 6 months? I'm sure she would love to read it. And as her sister pointed out to me, it would "extend the proposal experience." So I decided to write this series of posts and release them daily, right after I proposed.

I've been writing these posts while I ride the Bart to work, on my lunch breaks, at home while April showers, and pretty much any time I had to myself. It's been a crazy experience reflecting on it all, and also trying to find the time to actually make it all work and connect, but I think/hope it's worth it.

This is my "perfect proposal plan." What's yours?

Skaftafellsjökull (Skaftafell glacier)

All photos were taken by Mark Andrew Gonzales. Follow his photography at

markandrewg.com

The Secret (E5)

This was the longest amount of time I've ever kept something from April. I think I'm pretty good at keeping secrets and it WAS relatively easy for the first 4 months. But when I finally had the ring in my possession, I started feeling anxious because I felt like the proposal could have happened at any moment!

When you plan for something as life-altering as a proposal and you keep it a secret from the most important person in the world to you, of course it would be difficult right? I was lucky enough to have April's sister Kristine and a couple of select friends to talk about it with. It was particularly hilarious whenever April would tease me about the prospect of marriage. I think my typical response was either to blow it off or say something like, "it'll happen. Maybe next year... Or in 2016, or 2017, or 2018..." I was trying to be as ambiguous as possible, but it was really difficult to not tell her how I really felt. That I was planning to do this so soon and she would be (hopefully) completely surprised by it. There was even one moment where I got an offer for a 15-month 0% introductory APR credit card with regards to which April stated (jokingly), "You should buy my ring with that card." Little did she know I had already opened a similar credit card with that same offer and already paid for the ring with it! One can't help but smile at moments like that, and I'm glad she was drunk when she said it because I probably had a smirk on my face wider than the Grinch's when he successfully stole Christmas. She probably doesn't even remember it now, but my heart was beating really fast when that happened.

I think there's a cycle of thoughts and feelings one goes through when they're keeping an engagement plan a secret.

1) I can totally keep this a secret
2) Am I making the right decision? By blowing her off every time she mentions it, am I giving her the wrong impression (like Chandler did to Monica right when Richard showed up on Friends)?
3) I SHOULD JUST DO IT NOW!
4) Just xx many days left!
5) This is so hard!

I probably went through this at least 10 times in the last couple of months. And now that I actually have the ring, it's more like 3-5 over and over again everyday. I'm actually hiding the ring in the backpack that I'm taking to Iceland. I've been researching ways to safely travel with it, and there are two schools of thought:

1) Try really hard to hide it within socks, shoes and scarves.
2) Pack it normally, in your personal item.

1 is the more risky option as it seems suspicious. Why would you go through all the trouble to hide something when going through security? I think I am going to go with 2 and put a post-it on the box just in case security does do a random check on me. At the very least the guard/TSA person would pick up the box see the note "Please do NOT draw attention to this! Engagement ring inside!" or something like that. If they have any heart, they would do as the note says and just put it back. I will ultimately update this when I decide what I do and I will share my experience.

Honestly, I think April and I have gone about this proposal process in a good way. I never wanted this proposal to feel like it was coming out of left field. I think the first thoughts/conversations regarding marriage started about a year ago (2+ years into our relationship). I had the benefit of being April's friend for 5 years before we got together. I honestly think that had a huge impact on making my decision to ask her to marry me now.

I just feel really comfortable around her. And I feel like at this point, the next step in our relationship is marriage. I think the most common question I get at this point is, "How do you know she's the one?" My response is always something like this:

"You never know if the person you're with is 'the one.' In fact, I don't really believe in the concept of 'the one' anymore. I've learned that a healthy relationship is not just loving a person, but giving up yourself and committing to them. So marriage is a way of solidifying that commitment. You're saying that you're willing to bet your life for this person. This person is worth everything to you. It doesn't mean you were meant to be with them, like it's destiny. You chose the person, and you chose to marry them. And I think that in and of itself is beautiful. April and I are a good team, we hardly ever argue, we're very open with each other, she makes me laugh, she's driven and motivated to do well at her job and at life, and she's included me in her future plans. To me, it just makes sense. I would be crazy to not ask her to marry me."

Glacier hike yeah!

All photos were taken by Mark Andrew Gonzales. Follow his photography at

markandrewg.com

VIP (E2)

I just decided I was going to do it. I was going to ask April to marry me...

Now what?

The sisters:
I decided I would tell her sisters first before anyone else, because April told me that they would be her bridesmaids. I remember the day I told her sisters relatively well because it was the first time I really talked out loud about marrying April to anyone other than her. It was also the first time I was with both of April's sisters without April. It was Thanksgiving Day 2014 and we were having a Friends Thanksgiving-episode marathon. After a carne asada fry-chocolate cream pie extravaganza, the words just came out: "So.. I'm going to ask April to marry me when we go to Iceland."
The reactions were pretty much what I had hoped for. They were both excited and supportive and even offered to help me find a ring and brianstorm a plan. Woo! The sisters were on board!

My friends:
I was out having dinner with my best friends from high school in San Diego when I delivered the news. They were equally supportive and 2 of them actually said they would come to Iceland to help out!

I then went on to tell my coworkers over drinks, my parents, and a few close friends here in the Bay Area (including one who was/is also planning an engagement). All there was left to do... was ask her parents.

Her parents:

I also remember this day very clearly because it was the day of the one and only "party" we ever held at our place (February 7, 2015). During the day, April and her sister (Kristine) decided to go to the city for shopping which gave me a huge chunk of alone time. I had been mulling over what I was going to say to her parents for a couple of months. And it actually took me a few hours that same day to muster up the courage to press "call." When I finally was able to call them, the call went to voicemail. I tried a second time, hoping it was just a fluke but again! Voicemail!

I started panicking because I thought that April and Kristine might come home before I was able to complete the task. I decided the best thing to do was to leave the apartment and wait for a call back at a different location (a decision that turned out to be very beneficial). I was rock climbing at Great Western Power Company when April's mom called me back. The conversation went something like this:

Brian: Hi Auntie! How are you?

April's Mom: (sounding worried) Is everything okay?!

Brian: yes yes! There's nothing wrong!

April's Mom: ah okay good good, I was really worried.

Brian: I just wanted to ask you something. Is Uncle there?

April's Mom: Yeah he's next to me.

Brian: Can you please put it on speaker?
April's Mom: (hear rustling. Overhear April's dad) Okay we're both here.

Brian: So I know I haven't been able to see you guys very often, and I'm sorry I wasn't able to do this in person, but I was wondering if you would be okay with me asking April to marry me.

Aside: This moment of silence felt like 3 hours but was probably only 3 seconds at most

April's Mom: (sounding surprised) Of course! Whenever April talks to me about you, I get the sense that you treat her well. I know she loves you very much.
Brian: Oh man, I'm so happy to hear that.
April's Dad: You know, that's all I ever wanted. I'm really happy you guys are deciding to get married.
Brian: Thank you so much for saying that!

I went on to explain my plan, that I was going to do it in April 2015 while we were in Iceland, and that Kristine and Nikki already knew. April's mom said that they would keep it a secret. Not 10 minutes after that phone call ended, April texted me letting me know that they were on their way home. That was exhilarating. It was easier than I thought it would be, but I was still as nervous as I'd ever been in my life. It felt amazing to have April's parents' blessing because I knew that was also very important to her. From time-to-time she would ask me, how are you going to ask my Dad?

You see, April's Dad scares me (and I know that being afraid of your significant other's parents isn't exactly new). I mean that in the most endearing way. From the stories that April and Kristine talk about, I can tell he really cares about them. He just has a different way of showing it (usually not through words). So for him to say what he did to me, even though it was just that little bit. It meant the world to me. I really felt like I could ask April to marry me without any hesitation. Now I just needed a ring...

The Decision (E1)

The decision to ask April to marry me actually came right after our final "serious" talk about it. We were in Napa for our 3 year anniversary and April brought it up for the umpteenth time. I was sort of uncomfortable thinking about it at the time because I wasn't "stable" yet. "Stable" to me as it turns out meant having a satisfying engineering job. After all, I was coming back from a 1.5 year hiatus not just from America, but from my career. All I needed was to feel like I was using what I learned in my 6 years of school. Two weeks before this Napa trip, I had just started an engineering internship with a solar company in San Francisco. So I wasn't exactly stable yet, but I knew that I was close.

That "getting married" conversation felt like a fight, but it was probably THE pivotal moment in my marraige thought process. After that, April stopped trying to talk to me about it and after a couple of days it all sort of just clicked. Of course I wanted to marry her. It was just a matter of when, where, and how...

A while back April listed some criteria for how she wanted me to propose (she didn't say "here's what I want you to do" but every time she mentioned a proposal-related thing I always tried to read between the lines). It really came down to 3 things:

1. Can it be somewhere epic?

2. Please record it

3. You don't have to give me a diamond (I gave her a diamond).

We booked a trip to Iceland (for April 2015) that same weekend and right after the purchase, I just knew I had to do it there. This meant that I had 6 months to transition into a stable full-time position, save money for an engagement ring, plan the proposal, tell the people most important to her, and most importantly keep it a secret. It seemed like a daunting task especially since we live together and she would still tease me about getting married (but the teasing was just that. We didn't have another serious conversation about it). The process was long, arduous, and fun! Here's hoping it all pays off.

Home

We all know that saying, "Home is where the heart is," but why does your heart decide to stay in any given place? I've learned many things about the world and myself since I started living in Japan. But the most important thing I've learned is that the people make a place "home." When I started living in Japan, I was scared, nervous, homesick, and at times I questioned why I ever decided to go across the Pacific. It didn't help that it was insanely cold (for a spoiled California resident), and that I wasn't working right away, but thinking about that time really makes me appreciate how I eventually came to feel about Iwaki and Japan.

First and foremost, I had April. If I didn't have April, I don't know what I would have done! I might have just given up, or maybe I wouldn't have even gone to Japan at all. She helped me get through the first few months. When I started my job, I came to like my kids and eventually my co-workers, granted I wasn't able to speak to any of them just yet. Within a few months of starting my job, I became a regular at our rock climbing gym, Drop-In. I felt like I was accepted into a special climbing family because the gym just felt so homey. Shortly after that, April got a new Japanese teacher who eventually started inviting me, and then Aki to join in every Tuesday night. We all really came to enjoy these nights hanging out with our tutor and her family. A little bit after that, Aki helped me get set up with a program called ANKI which I used to memorize kanji, vocabulary, and just get better at Japanese. After a few months of hanging out with our Japanese teacher's family and studying ANKI everyday, I became more and more comfortable speaking to my co-workers, rock climbing gym friends, and just happier that I could understand more of that world around me. And just as I was gaining more confidence and becoming the happiest I'd been since I came to Japan, I left. And that part of my life was over just like that.

I actually had to make the decision to either stay for another year or leave the job back in October 2013. I struggled to make that decision because of how big of an impact I knew it would have. I ultimately decided to leave my teaching position and come back to America to pursue my engineering career. I made this decision because I knew that the longer I stayed away from engineering, the lower my chances of landing an engineering job. By the time I came back to America, it had already been 1.5 years since I graduated from grad school and ended my internship at NASA. If I decided to stay another year... well, it's safe to say that this was definitely the deciding factor. Honestly, if it wasn't for an engineering career, I would have been perfectly content teaching English in Japan for the foreseeable future.

Iwaki eventually felt like home to me because of all the people I met and grew close with. These are the types of friends you have for life. It was really hard to leave them probably because I know that it will be harder for me to see them. I know I will go back to visit, but it won't be as often as say going down to San Diego to see my family and friends down there (which is only once or twice a year anyway). Realistically, it will only be once every couple of years. On top of that, leaving my kids was the hardest part of it all because they will all be completely different the next time I see them around. With adults, they more-or-less stay the same, but kids grow and mature so fast. I just hope they remember me when I come back.

Here are a few pictures of the people who have made a huge impact on my life in Japan. The vast majority of them were taken during my last two weeks in Japan.

Thanks for the present Airi!

Some of my A Class kids from this year

All of my A Class kids from this year

Noriki and Meguhiro, the twins who knew no Japanese or English when this school year started. They greeted me every morning as I switched from my outdoor shoes to my indoor shoes.

B Class, Hitone! I taught her last year

B Class, Yuna (I taught her last year)

B Class, Himeka (I taught her last year). Her dad's izakaya is awesome.

My co-teacher this year, Rika 先生

Ken and Go are back!

So is Taiga

Azuza (A Class) and her brother Issa (B class)

A Class, Saki

We're carrying Behina?

B Class, Ryoma! He's actually leaving Iwaki as well. His dad got relocated for his job. I talked to his dad about running a few times...

Himeka's dad and grandma at their izakaya

John and Michiko 先生 playing thumb war because yes.

Thanks 海陸! Awesome English conversation students

Glad we were able to party together before I left

My rockclimbing twin, Misaki-san

Just Ayumi downing some Bacardi

Ayumi's dad and John comparing beer bellies.

???

Pre Class, Saki

B Class, Yuzuki and A Class, Yudai

My last day at the kindergarten

The Takahashi family saw me off at the airport!

New and old friends having a BBQ at Ayumi's place

My Drop-In Family, ドロップイン家族

My Japanese studying family, 日本語勉強家族

Thank you Hiroe-san, Kanan, Kiyo, and Riora for my going-away present!

Neighbors for life, eating at our favorite burger spot in Iwaki.

Don and Colin, thanks for being crazy and climbing Fuji with me.

Iwaki was my home for only 1.5 years, but meeting all those people and creating amazing relationships with them made it feel a lot longer than that. I'm leaving Iwaki, but the people there will always make it feel like home to me. See you soon!